The Benny Hill Show

Benny Hill:
Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

Wife:
What would you do if you would come home and caught me in bed with a man?
Husband:
I would hit him on the head. With his white stick.

Husband:
[couple in bed going to sleep] Good night... mother of six!
Wife:
Good night... father of one!

Wife:
[couple in bed going to sleep, she hits him on the head with a newspaper]
Husband:
What was that for?
Wife:
For being such a poor lover!
Husband:
[hits her in the head with a newspaper]
Wife:
What was that for?!
Husband:
For knowing the difference!

Nick:
Well, you and Martha have been married for fourteen years.
George:
Funny... I don’t remember breaking two mirrors.

Sheriff Bill Jardine:
Hey, do we know Ace Dickey?
Deputy Leroy:
Yeah. Did five years for statutory rape.
Sheriff Bill Jardine:
Why now, anybody who rapes a statue deserves what he gets!