Del Cassidy:
You know that thing women are always saying, "Size doesn’t matter!" That’s true, right?
Annie Spadaro:
Del, give women some credit. Of course size doesn’t matter! Unless you’re having sex.
Pete Spadaro:
Look, pop, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m just not cut out for the funeral business.
Lou Spadaro:
Then all of a sudden, you’re too good for it. Let me tell you something, Petey. I started that business with nothing but a dead body and a dream!
Del Cassidy:
[about Caroline’s cereal] So, what’s your gimmick going to be? You know, are you fruity, nutty, crunchy?
Caroline Duffy:
Actually, I think I’m a flake.
Richard Karinsky:
Anyone want that one?
Annie Spadaro:
[about Richard] Oh, you’re just bummed because they’re not making the Richard Karinsky cereal, Not-So-Cheerios.
Annie Spadaro:
Ma, I don’t care if he is your best friend’s nephew, I am not going out with him.
Angie Spadaro:
He’s a government official! Women throw themselves at this man!
Annie Spadaro:
He�’ a park ranger. Raccoons throw themselves at this man.
Caroline Duffy:
Now, promise me you won’t tell them.
Annie Spadaro:
What kind of person do you think I am?
Caroline Duffy:
I repeat:
promise me you won’t tell them. [they enter] Hey, guys.
Del Cassidy:
Hey, hey. What ya’ been?
Annie Spadaro:
Well, you guys won’t believe this. Caroline and I were out at the ATM on Eighth St.
Caroline Duffy:
Okay, fine, let’s just get it out in the open. I picked my nose and they got it on videotape. Give me your best shot. You may not get another opportunity like this. Caroline, you’re so snotty. Caroline, don’t be so picky.
Del Cassidy:
Caroline, you picked your nose?
Richard Karinsky:
[to Caroline] Oh my God. And I use your pencils.
Annie Spadaro:
Well, I was only going to say you lost your 200 bucks, but hey!
Caroline Duffy:
Alone in the moonlight, walking hand-in-hand with a monkey. Kinda reminds me of my first date with Del!
Caroline Duffy:
You’re Richard’s mother?
Natalie Karinsky:
Oh, did he tell you I was dead? Usually he tells everyone I’m dead.
Annie Spadaro:
No. He said you lived in Utah.
Natalie Karinsky:
Utah? I’d rather be dead.
Johnny:
[tries to persuade Annie, who waits for her date, to leave Remo’s] Annie, poverina, it’s getting very late...
Annie Spadaro:
Johnny, he is coming!
Johnny:
So the Mesiah, but it might not be tonight.
Charlie:
[about their double dates] What do you think, what do you think?
Del Cassidy:
Charlie, when you said Laura had an old school friend visiting, I assumed it’d be a classmate of hers, not her third grade math teacher!
Johnny:
Poverina, you look so upset. You look just like that girl I saw in the movie last night.
Annie Spadaro:
Which movie?
Johnny:
The one with the upset-looking girl in it. But she only had one finger. It starts off in a sawmill-
Annie Spadaro:
No, stop. Don’t ruin it for me.
Annie Spadaro:
Look at all the flowers Caroline’s boyfriend sends her. Why guys I date can’t send me flowers?
Richard Karinsky:
I understand it’s a prison regulation.
Caroline Duffy:
You know, you could try being nicer to him.
Richard Karinsky:
Yeah, and I could watch Tori Spelling play Medea. But life is just too short.
Richard Karinsky:
So, you’re jealous of this guy.
Del Cassidy:
No, I just don’t like the idea of a good-looking guy out with my girlfriend.
Richard Karinsky:
I know someone who’s getting a dictionary for Christmas.
Remo:
She was so beautiful, that I was speechless...
Richard Karinsky:
You?!
Johnny:
Strange but true...
| 
