Blackadder:
Tell me, Brother Baldrick, what exactly did God do to the Sodomites?
Baldrick:
I dunno, my lord. But it can’t have been worse than what they used to do to each other.
Blackadder:
There’s something wrong with your fiancee.
Melchett:
Oh my God, she’s not Welsh, is she?
Baldrick:
You know, my dad was a nun.
Blackadder:
No, he wasn’t.
Baldrick:
He was too, sir. Cause whenever he was up in court and the judge asked "occupation", he’d say "none"
Baldrick:
Permission to ask a question, sir...
Blackadder:
Permission granted, Baldrick, as long as isn’t the one about where babies come from.
Baldrick:
No, the thing is, the way I see it, these days there’s a war on, right? And, ages ago, there wasn’t a war on, right? So, there must have been a moment when there not being a war on went away, right? And there being a war on came along. So, what I want to know is, how did we get from the one case of affairs, to the other case of affairs?
Blackadder:
Do you mean, "how did the war start?"
Blackadder:
Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest and friendly companionship.
Baldrick:
Aaahh, thank you Mr. B.
Blackadder:
But as we both know, it’ll be an utter lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, "Sod off," and if I ever meet you again, it’ll be twenty billion years too soon.
Baldrick:
My uncle Baldrick was in a play once.
Blackadder:
Really?
Baldrick:
Yeah, it was called Macbeth.
Blackadder:
And what did he play?
Baldrick:
Second codpiece. Macbeth wore him in the fight scenes.
Blackadder:
So he was a stunt codpiece.
Baldrick:
Yes.
Blackadder:
Did he have a large part?
Baldrick:
Depends who was playing Macbeth.
Blackadder:
Right, Baldrick. Where’s the manuscript?
Baldrick:
You mean the big papery thing tied up with string?
Blackadder:
Yes, Baldrick. The manuscript belonging to Dr. Johnson.
Baldrick:
You mean the baity fellow in the black coat, who just left?
Blackadder:
Yes, Baldrick. Dr. Johnson.
Baldrick:
So, you’re asking where the big papery thing tied up with string belonging to the baity fellow in the black coat who just left is?
Blackadder:
Yes, Baldrick. I am. And if you don’t answer, then the booted bony thing with five toes at the end of my leg will soon connect sharply with soft, dangly collection of objects in your trousers. Now for the last time, Baldrick, where is Dr. Johnson’s manuscript?
Baldrick:
On the fire.
Blackadder:
On the what?
Baldrick:
The hot, orangy thing under the stony mantelpiece.
Blackadder:
[organising the entertainment] We’re desperate, desperate...
Percy:
We can sign Maurice dancers...
Blackadder:
Look, we’re not THAT desperate!
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