ALF

Brian Tanner:
Do you get Sesame Street where you live?
ALF:
No, and frankly I don’t get it here either.

ALF:
Back home on Melmac, I had a cousin, Pretty Boy Shumway. He was so mean, if he didn’t like your looks, [points at Willy, imitating machine gun sound] ak-ak-ak-ak-ak.
Willie Tanner:
You mean he’d shoot you if he didn’t like how you looked?
ALF:
No. He’d just point at you and go, "Ak-ak-ak-ak-ak."

Willie Tanner:
You can’t vote, ALF, you’re not a citizen.
ALF:
I’ll apply for a green card.
Willie:
That’s only if you want a job.
ALF:
Pass.

Willie Tanner:
This is a jigsaw puzzle.
ALF:
It’s broken.
Willie:
That’s the object, ALF. You’re supposed to put it together.
ALF:
Why? I didn’t break it.
ALF [later]:
[puts piece of puzzle in his mouth] I was just finishing the puzzle...

ALF:
Oh, by the way, don’t bother looking for your laxative on a rope.
Willie Tanner:
Oh, you mean my soap on a rope?
ALF:
Trust me on this one.

ALF:
[ALF almost kills Willie with the TV] Willie, it was an accident!
Willie Tanner:
An accident? An accident? You almost killed me, and you say it was an accident?
ALF:
Alright, let’s call it a mistake!

Dorothy:
You don’t have to make rude noises.
ALF:
That’s okay. I don’t mind.