Roseanne

Regretting breaking the rules and fighting with Roseanne, Dan fixes the house after the huge fight and leaves a ton of messages on Jackie’s answering machine. Roseanne finds herself in front of Jackie’s TV, watching notable past sitcoms like That Girl, I Dream of Jeannie, and The Mary Tyler Moore Show (Cameo appearance by Ed Asner on the latter show), eventually finding her and Dan playing the roles of Ann & Don, Mary and Lou Grant, and Jeannie and Tony. Later, Jackie convinces Roseanne that Dan and Roseanne were meant for each other and, when she is finally alone with Andy and Jerry, makes a shocking discovery about her lottery ticket after watching the lottery drawings on TV.

The lottery ticket mentioned in the last episode is a winner! Roseanne has won $108 million! Amidst the press bombardment, The family ponders what to do with all that money.

With a full dinner table and a home-cooked meal, Roseanne daydreams about the lottery winnings; from a riot on the Jerry Springer Show to a glamorous photo shoot with Jackie and Hugh Hefner.

Dan announces that he’s going to visit his mother in California. Jackie and Roseanne wait out the Conner house’s renovation at a spa.

Prince Carlos Charmaine (Jim Varney) from Moldavia, visits Jackie, with whom he’s enamored after seeing her on television. Roseanne warns Jackie to remain distant, until Leon discovers that he’s really a prince. The family are invited on a trip to New York with Leon in place of Dan, who’s still in California.

Roseanne and Jackie’s spa trip subjects them to a strict diet, acid peels, skin toxins, and exhausting hikes. Tammy Faye Messner appears in this episode.

Roseanne, Jackie, and Nancy visit New York City’s Upper West Side, where they meet celebrities and are invited to Martha’s Vineyard by a woman named Astrid Wentworth. After getting drunk with Edina Monsoon (Jennifer Saunders) and Patsy Stone (Joanna Lumley) of Absolutely Fabulous, Roseanne has a Rosemary’s Baby-parody nightmare of Darlene giving birth to Satan.

Roseanne, Jackie, DJ, Mark, Bev, Becky, Andy, and Jerry go to the Wentworth estate to meet Astrid’s family, who aren’t impressed at Roseanne’s trashy ways. When she finds the family’s stash of "happy pills," Roseanne teaches them to scream out their anger. Dana Gould appears in this episode.

Roseanne meets First Lady Hillary Clinton (Teresa Barnwell), after saving her family and Dr. Bakshmi from women-hating terrorists on a train to Washington D.C. Steven Seagal, Mike Tyson and Don King appear in this episode.

Roseanne, Jackie, and the family finally arrive home from all the excitement! Roseanne is disappointed that Dan hasn’t returned from his trip yet. Her Thanksgiving is being catered, so she and Jackie open the Lunch Box as a soup kitchen. Bev reveals more than she intended during Thanksgiving dinner (as usual).

Dan still isn’t home, and Roseanne is afraid of the changes she has made to family and house. Elsewhere, Bev seeks answers from free-spirited mother Mary, who finally mends her relationship with her daughter.

Dan finally returns home, but he treats Roseanne coolly, and Jackie catches him on the phone flirting with his mother’s nurse.

Roseanne kicks Dan out over his affair with his mother’s nurse, and her decision devastates her.

Roseanne ignores Dan and drives around town eating fast food and listening to radio shows. She thinks Dan had an affair because of her appearance. As Dan packs his bags to leave, he and DJ have a huge fight. In the heat of anger, DJ goes to a video store and meets his soul mate, Heather (Heather Matarazzo). Dan heads back to California, but at the last moment he cancels his flight and moves into a motel near the airport.

A depressed Roseanne locks herself and Jerry in her bedroom with fatty foods, trashy magazines, and TV. Friends and family attempt to get her out, but all ultimately fail to do so--until Mark tells her that Dan hasn’t left town yet and wants her back.

Roseanne and Jackie attend an exquisite luncheon where they discuss politics and other topics with Lanford’s elite. Roseanne meets Edgar Wellman (James Brolin), son of the owner of Roseanne and Jackie’s former workplace, and Edgar asks Roseanne for money to help keep Wellman Plastics open--it fell into decline after the sisters left in 1989.

Jackie believes that Roseanne and Edgar Wellman are an item for real--they’re not, although Roseanne wishes they were. Roseanne claims it’s just for business; Jackie doesn’t believe her. Roseanne dreams that the couple are from the movie Evita.

Reluctant to leave, Dan asks Jackie about Edgar Wellman’s relationship with Roseanne. Jackie confirms, but Roseanne returns to Dan. As they reconcile, they receive a call from Jackie: Darlene is in labor and has been given a drug to stop her from delivering a premature baby.

Darlene gives birth to a dangerously premature baby girl, Harris Conner Healy. Roseanne consults other doctors from around the world, but what ultimately keeps the baby alive is Roseanne’s own grandmotherly love and nurturing.

Jackie and Mark attend a wrestling match, where Jackie ends up fighting the Black Widow (Dot Jones). DJ’s first sexual experience looms and he consults Mark, who isn’t helpful.

Roseanne and Jackie learn that producers want to make a TV-movie about the Conners, but also find out that they want to make distressingly drastic changes: gorgeous actors to play the Conners, less blue-collar plot twists, etc. Meanwhile, Bev, Leon, and Joyce naively reveal all kinds of information about Roseanne’s life and past to a tabloid reporter.

Dan’s mother Audrey (now played by Debbie Reynolds, before played by Ann Wedgeworth in the 1989 Thanksgiving episode), visits unexpectedly and keeps trying to kill her son for putting her away for so many years. Roseanne finally decides to end it all with a simple backyard battle.

Harris Conner Healy, Darlene and David’s preemie daughter, finally arrives home, and Darlene decides to stay in the Conner nest for a while and DJ begrudgingly gives up his room and heads for David’s former space in the basement. When Mark and Becky come to visit Harris, it is revealed that they too are expecting; Mark wants to spread the news, but Becky opts to keep it quiet until things are going more smoothly with Harris. Darlene is apprehensive about overstaying their welcome but when she questions her mother, Roseanne says she wants them to stay forever. Darlene would like that too, so she’s relieved. Leon and his husband announce that they will be adopting a little girl, Nadia, who needs a family.

In the first half, the family talks about life after winning the lottery. Then Roseanne reflects about her fictional life as a voiceover monologue reveals that the show itself has really been her writing. She says that while the book she was writing was based on her life, she changed what she didn’t like. For instance: in reality, the Conners did not win the lottery; Dan died of the heart attack; Jackie--not Bev--was gay; and Mark and Darlene, and Becky and David, were the Conner-Healy couples. In the final moments, after looking over her book, she goes upstairs and sits on the couch. The show fades to black and her trademark laugh is heard one last time.