Better Off Ted

Veronica Palmer:
The company loves its money. If they could, they’d go to strip clubs and throw naked women at money.

Linda Zwordling:
Can’t we develop one product that doesn’t end up being used to kill people? Even our fat-free cinnamon roll led to that new sticky bomb.

Phil Myman:
Give a man an insult, he can hurt people for a day. Teach a man to insult, he can hurt people who tease him because he never learned to fish.

Veronica Palmer:
I heard about Jenkins’ death. The company feels terrible about it.
Ted Crisp:
People are working too hard, Veronica. We need to slow down.
Veronica Palmer:
Legal’s position is, we don’t know if hard work killed Jenkins. Legal thinks he may have had high cholesterol. They’re also floating the idea that his being dead may have been a pre-existing condition, and that he may not have been alive when we hired him. Apparently he was pretty quiet in his job interview.