Ed

Judge:
Mr. Stevens, where’s your attorney?
Ed Stevens:
Actually, Your Honor, I’m representing myself in this matter.
Judge:
Haven’t you heard the saying, "He who represents himself has a fool for a client?"
Ed Stevens:
Yes sir, I have, and I tried my best to convince me not to hire me to represent myself, but I simply refused to listen to me.

Mike Burton:
I figure I’ll go downtown once a month, maybe work the hotel lobbies, sell my body to aging divorcees.
Nancy Burton:
Well, honey, you really think we can live on thirty-eight cents a month?