Only Fools and Horses

It’s closing time at The Nag’s Head, and Mike the landlord is having problems clearing everyone out, particularly a young pregnant foreign girl who doesn’t seem to speak Peckham English. Del and Rodney offer to help, and despite Del Boy’s dodgy French, they work out that Anna is from Germany, and she’s been chucked out on the street and was considering getting her child adopted. They leave Rodney to take Anna to a hotel, but he ends up bringing her back to the flat, where she explains that, Spencer, the son of the family she was working for as an au pair got her pregnant and then denied it all. After fuming about Rodney bringing another ’waif and stray’ home, Del Boy considers what can be done with Anna’s unwanted baby – and the first person he thinks of is Boycie. For year’s Marlene and Boycie have been trying for a child, with no success, and now for a mere three grand, Del is offering them the chance to have their very own baby boy. The stress is clearly getting to Anna, and she begins to go into labour. Later on Del, Boycie and Marlene all gather round in the lounge waiting for Anna and Rodney to return from hospital. All is well until Rodney lets Del Boy know that Anna’s baby is a girl... and that Spencer’s parents were actually West Indian!

Feeling guilty about his dodgy lifestyle, Del has a rare religious urge and heads to the confession booth of his local Catholic church to speak with Father O’Keith. Whilst chatting with Father O’Keith, Del discovers that the local hospice, St Mary’s, requires a £185,000 renovation or it will soon close. And as Derek and Rodney’s mother and grandad were both cared for there, the older Trotter takes the charitable cause to his heart. After his confession, Del is about to put some money into the Collection box when Father O’Keith cries out that the statue of the Virgin Mary is weeping holy tears. Within a couple of seconds, Del has persuaded the priest that this miracle needs publicising – something that could go a long way towards raising funds for St Mary’s renovations. Father O’Keith reluctantly agrees, and Del gets Rodney to alert the national press. As press arrives from all over the world, Del helps Father O’Keith collect the contributions from all those who wish to witness the miracle of the weeping virgin. It’s only when the priest notices rain dripping from the roof of the church that Del Boy’s elaborate hoax is exposed.

Del, Rodney, and Albert are mistakenly apprehended as shoplifters by an overzealous security guard at the Top Buy Supermarket. And things get worse when they’re taken to the manager’s office and realise that they’ve lost their receipt for the goods. Shortly after, Tom the security guard brings a cocky shoplifter, Lennox Gilbey, into the manager’s office, where he promptly pulls out a gun and demands money from the safe. Unluckily for Lennox the safe is on a time-lock and due to the dodgy watch he’s wearing, he’s 15 minutes later than he planned – and the safe doesn’t open until 8am the next morning. After being held hostage throughout the night, Del realises that he sold the dodgy watch to Lennox, and that he also knew him as a kid. By preying on his guilty conscience, Del persuades Lennox to reveal that the plan was hatched by Tom and the supermarket manager to get at the £60,000 stored in the safe. The three accomplices beg Del not to go to the police, and instead, he arranges for Lennox to get a job as security guard at the supermarket after Tom’s retirement, and then makes sure he wins a £1,000 prize as the millionth customer in the store.

Trigger’s young niece, Lisa, is staying with him for a while, and the scruffy young girl that Del and Rodney remember has now become a stunning 25 year-old woman. Both Trotter brothers think they are in with a chance, and immediately begin competing for Lisa’s affections. Despite almost coming to blows, Del and Rodney manage to invite Lisa round to the flat for tea, and she seems more than happy to accept. In preparation for their date with Lisa, Del goes out to get some more ’Smash’ and Rodney spends half-an-hour on the sunbed. Just before Del leaves for the shops, he notices Rodney has dozed off and whacks up the heat on the bed. Much to Rodney’s annoyance, he spends most of the evening nursing his bright red face, which has burnt under the ultra-violet rays, whilst Del and Lisa seem to be getting on really well. To get his revenge, Rodders picks up on the fact that Lisa mentions she was going hang-gliding, and as a surprise for his 46th birthday, he arranges for Del to have a go. After offering to give her a lift back home to Winchester, Del and Rodney head off to meet Lisa’s friends for a spot of hang-gliding. Not wanting to lose face, Del reluctantly agrees to try it out, and after launching himself into the air, he disappears for over 12 hours. It’s only later, after finding out Lisa is engaged to be married, that Del Boy is brought back from hospital after crashing into a television transmitter in Redhill.

Rodney’s Art Class is given a £10,000 grant to make a film spotlighting the local community, but first he has to avoid the scheming intentions of Mickey Pearce and Del Boy. Whilst Rodders suffers from writer’s block, Del provides him with inspiration and a tale of a killer Rhino escaping from London Zoo and laying waste to innocent victims on the streets of the city. Rodney immediately points out the flaws in the logic behind the plot, and Del leaves him to it. But without telling Rodney, Del has already arranged for Mickey to head down to the town hall to film different couples’ weddings at £50 a time – and he has also managed to persuade half the neighbourhood to pay £10 for the opportunity of becoming a movie extra. To make things worse, Mickey arranges for the lovely Amanda to pop round the Trotters’ flat in her nurse’s uniform and begin filming a ’blue movie’ called Night Nurse, which is due for its premiere in the back room of The Nag’s Head.

Del’s old business partner from the 1960s, Jumbo Mills, returns to the UK shores to strike a deal with Boycie, and ends up rubbing everyone up the wrong way in The Nag’s Head. Jumbo has made himself rich Down Under, after leaving rainy London for Australia with Del Boy’s last £200. In an attempt to pay back this debt ’with interest’, Jumbo asks Del to become the new face of his new import business – but it means a move to Australia for the Trotter family. After making sure Rodney and Albert have a place in Oz, Del Boy agrees to join Jumbo’s firm, but things don’t go as smoothly as that. Tired of wandering the globe, Albert decides he wants to end his days in Peckham, and it looks like Rodney’s criminal record has put paid to his dream trip. Regardless of this, Del still seems keen to go, but when he picks up the phone to confirm the plan to Jumbo, he politely turns him down – reluctantly admitting that blood is thicker than water.