Only Fools and Horses

Rodney is feeling down in the dumps after a dreadful night out with Del and two birds, a mother and her daughter. Del explains to Grandad that whilst he and Rodney were out, there was a big fight at one of the pubs. Someone called the law, who sent a young policewoman to deal with the situation, who Rodney tried to date whilst she carried out the arrest. At Sid’s Cafe, Del learns that Rodney did manage to get a date with the policewoman, whose name is Sandra. Rodney takes Sandra to see a film and then invites her back to Nelson Mandela House, which is bad news for the Trotters because the flat is full of hooky gear. Del is not pleased when Rodney opens his big mouth and gives away information that could get the Trotters arrested. Luckily, it looks like the Trotters have got away with it but back at her flat, Sandra tells Rodney that she knew from the very beginning that the flat was full of illegal items. Sandra gives the Trotters twenty-four hours to "spring clean" their flat before she informs the CID. Back at Nelson Mandela House, Del feels like killing Rodney for getting them in the mess in the first place.

The Trotters and Trig attend Trigger’s grandmother’s (Alice) funeral. When they visit her old house, Trigger tells Del and Rodney that whilst his grandfather (Arthur) was away fighting in the war, Alice was seeing another man, who was obviously Grandad. Back at the flat, Del examines two antique urns which Alice owned but discovers that one of them contains Arthur’s ashes. Grandad fears that Arthur is trying to communicate with him. With Trigger away on holiday, Del Boy and Rodney attempt to get rid of the ashes. They remember that Arthur use to be a member of the local bowling club but have no luck scattering the ashes on the bowling green. They then try to dump the Ashes in the Thames but are spotted by a police boat. The brothers nearly give up but then a road-sweeping lorry passes by and sucks up Arthur’s ashes. Del and Rodney think it’s ironic because Arthur use to be a road-sweeper, so for him this would be like a "Viking burial". Back at Nelson Mandela House, Del Boy receives a call from Trigger who reveals that his gran was married twice, a fact which Grandad had failed to point out. When Del looks in the other urn he discovers that it does, of course, contain more ashes.

Del is getting into financial trouble – even his double-headed coin can’t help him win. He’s gambling away his money with no sign of stopping, and he’s already £150 down. When Boycie challenges him to a winner-takes-all poker game, Del is eager to host it in his flat in Nelson Mandela House. As the night progresses, Del’s luck goes from bad to worse as he ends up owing Boycie all his money, the TIT van, Grandad’s cash, jewellery and even a collection of loose change. But all is not lost, as Del finally turns the tables on Boycie in revenge for fixing all the previous card games in his favour.

Rodney falls for Irene Mackay – a woman twice his age – and Del Boy isn’t happy about it. Not only is Irene a lot older than Rodders, but she’s married to a hard nut who’s doing time in Parkhurst – and is about to be released. Concerned for his brother’s welfare, Del convinces Irene to ditch Rodney. But when Rodney realises Del has been interfering with his personal life again, he goes loopy. Soon afterwards, Tommy Mackay gets out of prison – he soon finds out his wife has been cheating on him with a Trotter, and goes looking for revenge. Luckily for Rodney, Tommy finds Del Boy first, and the elder Trotter takes the punishment for him. When a bruised and battered Del returns to the pub, he’s over the moon to find out that Rodney has moved on to someone new anyway, so there wasn’t really anything to worry about.

Del gets a job painting a Chinese restaurant but can’t start work until the following morning as it is the anniversary of their mother’s passing, so he and Rodney go to visit her grave, which certainty stands out from all the rest. Del Boy then tells Rodney that tomorrow he will be painting the Chinese restaurant. The following morning, the Trotters begin work and receive a visit from the owner, Mr. Chin, who reveals that the health inspectors will be around soon which is why he wants his kitchen painted. Rodney points out that the health inspectors don’t warn you to say they’re coming. Mr. Chin then reveals that a few days ago he received a phone call from an anonymous person (who is obviously Del Boy) telling him that he must get his kitchen painted. Rodney and Grandad are angry at Del, who leaves them to get on with the job. The job is finished by the following evening but back at Nelson Mandela House, Del is nowhere to be seen. Rodney says that this is the second night in a row that Del has done a disappearing act, at which point Del Boy walks in, who is clearly happy about something. Trigger then arrives to offer Del some more paint and reveals to Rodney that it has been nicked. Del points out that more people will get jobs because of this. Trigger then reveals that the paint is used to paint signs in tunnels on railway lines and is therefore luminous. Del and Rodney are horrified and, to make matters worse, they receive a call from Mr. Chin who, of course, now has a very bright yellow kitchen. At first he seems angry but then tells Del that he wants Rodney to do his front room tomorrow. Just as Del is about to buy more paint off Trigger, he suddenly becomes worried about something and drives Rodney and Grandad down to the cemetery, where Del and Rodney’s mother’s grave is. It turns out that for the past two days, Del has been painting the grave in the left-over paint, which makes it look radioactive. At first, Del was going to proudly tell the council that he did it but then decides that it would be best to keep quiet about it.

Trotters Independent Trading has been forced off the market, with the continuing downpour keeping most of Peckham indoors. While drowning their sorrows in The Nag’s Head, Alex the travel agent mentions that business is slow and he can’t give holidays away at the moment. As a promotional gimmick, Del suggests offering an 80% discount on a holiday to the next customer in the shop – and who happens to walk by, but Derek Trotter. Having sold sun hats in the rain, Rodders has managed to earn some travel cash, but he is dismayed to learn that the 80% discount only extends to a grotty hotel in Benidorm. And despite not being included in the bargain, the brothers reluctantly pay for Grandad to join them on their escape to the sun. During the whole holiday, Del and Rodney check out the local talent, while Grandad cramps their style: especially when they bring two girls back to their apartment, only for the old man to scare them off with his dentures. Things get a bit more serious when Grandad is arrested. He is worried that the arrest is for an old incident ’during the war’ – but it turns out that he was arrested for jay-walking and is released without charge. Much to Del’s annoyance.

Returning from an auction, the Trotters stop to help a woman whose car appears to have broken down. It is revealed that she is Lady Ridgemere, wife of Lord Ridgemere who owns the Ridgemere Hall Estate. Having towed the Lady to her stately home, Del overhears that Lord Ridgemere is having trouble with the firm he’s hired to clean their chandeliers. He wastes no time in offering the Trotters’ services as chandelier cleaners for a mere £350. Rodney and Del are up ladders, holding an old sheet to stop the cut-glass chandelier crashing to the floor when Grandad unscrews it. But Grandad unscrews another chandelier, which smashes on the floor. As a horrified butler walks into the hall, the Trotters make a swift exit, barely giving Rodney enough time to climb into the van before Del floors it.