South Park

Several kids at South Park Elementary have iPads, but Cartman does not, and he is accused of pretending to have one. Kyle is chased through the town and kidnapped by Apple employees, who claim their actions are legal under the newest version of the iTunes terms and conditions, to which Kyle agreed without reading. Meanwhile, Cartman embarrasses his mother by loudly accusing her of "fucking" him because she tries to offer him a cheaper alternative to the iPad.

The South Park Special Ed department hosts its first annual comedy awards show (a parody of a real life awards show that Comedy Central aired in 2011), which culminates in Jimmy proclaiming that Germany is the least funny country in the world. The German government responds by creating "Funnybot", who goes on to become a major celebrity and putting most comedians out of work. When the kids try and derail Funnybot’s career, they accidentally cause him to decide to destroy the world as "the ultimate joke".

Mr. Mackey is making the kindergarten students perform a play about tooth decay and the importance of dental hygiene, and is furious when Ike, who is supposed to portray tooth decay, misses a rehearsal to watch the Canadian royal wedding. During the ceremony, the princess is enclosed in an isometric cube and spirited away. Ike is so distraught that he cannot stop crying during rehearsal and gets sent home by Mr. Mackey. As people all over Canada commit suicide out of despair for the princess’ abduction, the Prime Minister of Canada instructs all people of Canadian descent to go home and open their "Box of Faith", which contains – along with a location beacon, first aid kit, and a sandwich – a video recording issuing a call to arms for all Canadians in fighting condition to meet "by the tree in Edmonton". Ike answers the call and, while riding a bus to Canada, meets a fellow Canadian named Ugly Bob, who claims he has to wear a bag over his head because, while he simply looks Canadian to Americans, other Canadians find his face frighteningly ugly. They are also joined by Scott the Dick, who has become taller due to exposure to radiation, as well an Inuit mother and child who leads the trio to a castle where the princess is being held hostage. The captor is none other than a demon called Tooth Decay...

At South Park Elementary, Cartman rants at length over the results of the students’ annual school physicals, thinking that teachers have posted a list of all the boys’ penis sizes in the hall for everyone to see. Believing the results to be inaccurate (especially since he is at the bottom of the list), he measures every boy’s penis and posts his own findings in the hall. He is soon called to Principal Victoria’s office, where he learns that the first list actually showed how much every student had grown in height since the previous year’s physical. To make matters worse, Cartman has found that his penis really is the smallest of all the boys in the school. After a consultation session with a psychiatrist, Cartman is sent to anger management.

After seeing the "saddest commercial ever" presented by Sarah McLachlan about crack babies, Kyle goes to help volunteer at the hospital, but finds Cartman already volunteering there. Suspicious, Kyle follows Cartman and finds that he, Craig, Clyde and Butters have gathered together to form a new business called "Crack Baby Basketball", in which crack-addicted babies fight each other for a piece of crack, with the fights being broadcast on the Internet. Kyle is shocked and horrified at what Cartman has done, but Cartman convinces him it is a win-win situation for everybody and persuades him to work for the business as its accountant. Kyle, troubled by his conscience as he becomes a version of Gordon Gekko, repeatedly justifies himself to Stan, who just listens to him in silence.

The episode begins with Butters distributing flyers for a newly opened City Sushi restaurant, giving a flyer to Tuong Lu Kim, the owner of the Chinese restaurant City Wok. Bewildered at the prospect of a Japanese restaurant next to his, an angered Lu Kim enters the establishment and starts a fight with the owner, a Japanese man named Junichi Takiyama. Butters is then sent home by the police for indirectly starting an "Asian turf war." Butters’ parents, thinking that their parenting is not the problem as they think they are "awesome", take Butters to therapy where he ends up being misdiagnosed with Multiple personality disorder by shrink Dr. Janus. However, it would turn out that Janus actually has Multiple personality disorder and unknowingly puts Butters in situations that make the boy appear more mentally unfit.

Part one of two. At Stan’s tenth birthday party, one of his presents is the latest CD from a "tween wave" band. His mother, Sharon, forbids Stan from listening to it, and promptly takes the CD away. After Stan’s father, Randy, and Sharon argue over the matter, Randy decides to sit down and listen to the CD (which, to the viewer and the adults, is the sound of literal defecation and drum beats). He claims to enjoy the CD, but Sharon knows he is lying. As tween wave music becomes popular, Sharon and the other boys’ parents forbid them from listening to any of it, and try to play for them The Police’s album Synchronicity as an example of what they consider to be good music. Through the boys, though, we can hear people defecating on the soundtrack, just as the "tween wave" music is presented as sounding to the adults. That night, Stan secretly listens to the confiscated music but discovers, to his confusion, that it now sounds "like shit."

Conclusion. Cartman attempts to fake Asperger syndrome. Even Kyle and Kenny are on board. Meanwhile, Stan cannot seem to get his life back to normal no matter what he tries.

What begins as an innocent game between the boys turns serious when Cartman joins the U.S. Border Patrol. Not surprisingly, Cartman turns out to be really good at stopping Mexicans.

The students of South Park Elementary are the victims of a new gossip website. An elusive hacker has somehow gained access into all the students’ confidential phonecalls and e-mails and is posting all of their juicy stories on the Internet. The boys are shocked when they discover the identity of the hacker.

After Randy takes Sharon to see the hit musical Wicked, he becomes Broadway’s biggest fan and discovers that all Broadway musicals contain subtext encouraging women to give blowjobs to their men. After this revelation, Randy decides to bring Broadway to South Park by creating his own musical so the fun can never end.

The kids at South Park Elementary are being punished for Cartman’s failings in the physical education department. What will Cartman do when they all gang up on him?

The boys discover the real meaning of Thanksgiving.

When Kenny’s parents are sent to prison, he and his siblings are sent to foster care. Cartman is upset about this because after Kenny is gone, he is now the poorest kid at school.