South Park

Kenny takes his promiscuous new girlfriend, Tammy, to a Jonas Brothers concert with hopes of receiving oral sex from her. Instead, the band gives them purity rings as a pledge to practice abstinence. Kenny becomes dull as a result and ceases to spend time with his friends, which deeply concerns Stan, Kyle and Cartman. They attempt to confront the Jonas Brothers at a televised appearance and find out that a greedy Mickey Mouse is using the rings as a scheme to sell sex to little girls without invoking the ire of parents. The boys trick Mickey into revealing his devious intentions in front of the crowd, which turns on him. Kenny discards the ring and receives oral sex from Tammy. He consequently contracts syphilis and dies.

Cartman poses as a superhero vigilante, "The Coon", who grows increasingly jealous of the popularity and success of a rival superhero, "Mysterion". Cartman tries to uncover the identity of his rival and turns to the "dark side" to get rid of him, enlisting the help of Professor Chaos (Butters) and his sidekick General Disarray (Dougie). He convinces Professor Chaos to threaten the destruction of a hospital unless Mysterion reveals his or her identity. Cartman, disguised as The Coon, later fights on Mysterion?s side in the hope that he too will be hailed as a hero and convinces his rival to unmask himself. Mysterion is hauled to prison, leaving Cartman to believe he is the true superhero in South Park.

Randy tries to teach Stan how to save money by making him deposit a $100 check in the bank. Within seconds, it is lost in a mutual fund investment, along with the money of other bank customers. As the global recession hits South Park, Randy poses as a prophet and preaches that people should limit their spending to only "bare essentials" to propitiate the economy?s anger. Kyle disagrees and tries to convince the people that if they want the economy to be strong, they must have faith in it. He sets up a table with a credit card machine and begins "paying everybody?s debts", indebting himself for life. Meanwhile Stan, trying to return his father?s expensive and unnecessary drink mixer, learns about the incompetence of the federal government.

The boys are angered when their favorite television show, Terrance and Phillip, is preempted by a new program, The Queef Sisters, which is very similar but relies on queef jokes instead of fart jokes. The show starts a queefing movement across the country, with women arguing there is no difference between queefing and farting. The disgusted men, still finding fart jokes funny, fail to recognize the double standard. In light of the growing uproar, the Colorado State Senate passes a law that bans queefing. When Sharon and Shelley feel insulted by the decision, Stan and his father Randy realize the issue was really about women having the same rights as men. Stan and Randy get all the South Park men together and record an inspirational song, declaring women should have the right to queef. After their show is canceled, Terrance and Phillip attempt to kill the Queef Sisters, but instead fall in love and marry them.

Jimmy comes up with a joke that becomes a national sensation, and Cartman takes all of the credit. Kyle tries to explain to Cartman that he had no role in writing the joke, but his ego is so big that he subconsciously remembers things incorrectly. Cartman comes to the exact opposite conclusion, believing Jimmy is the one with the twisted ego who is trying to steal credit from him. Meanwhile, comedian Carlos Mencia claims credit for the joke and rapper Kanye West is mocked for not understanding it. Convinced he is a genius, West will not allow anyone to explain the joke to him, and in his anger he beats Mencia to death. Later he has an epiphany about his own massive ego, but misinterprets the joke to mean that he is a gay fish, which he embraces by making a music video about it.

Randy steals a superconducting magnet and slips it into the back of Stan?s pinewood derby car to ensure his son will win the annual state derby. Stan?s car takes first place while reaching warp speed and shooting off into space, where it is discovered by an alien species. A spaceship soon lands in South Park. The pilot, an alien bank robber, demands that Stan and Randy build a new warp drive, but Randy refuses to tell the truth in order to avoid admitting he cheated in the derby. The bank robber is killed, and Randy convinces Earth?s leaders to keep the alien?s "space cash", which they divide among themselves. An Intergalactic Police ship arrives looking for the robber, but no one admits to seeing him or the money. Eventually, however, Stan admits he cheated in the pinewood derby and returns the trophy. The robber emerges from the officers? ship, revealing he faked his own death and is really the ambassador to new worlds. The people of Earth were being tested to determine whether they were worthy to join the intergalactic community. Having failed, the Earth is forever isolated from the rest of the universe as punishment.

Mistaking the recent upsurge of piracy in Somalia for a return of the classic era of swashbuckling pirates, Cartman convinces his classmates to run away to Somalia for a responsibility-free life in a warm tropical paradise. Butters, Ike, Clyde and Kevin join Cartman?s crew and go to Mogadishu dressed as stereotypical pirates, where they are taken as ransom to a French schooner. However, Cartman assumes control of the schooner and returns with the captured vessel to Mogadishu, where the pirates start to admire him. Originally jubilant to be rid of Cartman, Kyle goes to Somalia to rescue Ike after he realizes his brother is gone. By then, Cartman is the widely respected captain of an actual pirate crew. Butters and Ike begin to recognize that the pirates have turned to a life of crime as a result of the country?s crippling poverty, but Cartman refuses to give up his romantic notions. A U.S. Navy ship arrives, and snipers kill all of Cartman?s pirates, leaving him dumbfounded and angry.

Ike is terrified by frequent encounters with the ghosts of recently deceased celebrities. Kyle, Stan, Cartman and Kenny try to help by calling the team from the reality television series Ghost Hunters. When they fail, the boys use a medium to contact the ghosts of celebrities haunting Ike. They find the ghosts are trapped in purgatory (depicted as the interior of a plane) because of Michael Jackson?s refusal to acknowledge his own death. Jackson?s spirit takes over Ike?s body and insists he is not only alive, but is a young Caucasian girl. The boys take Jackson to a child beauty pageant for little girls so Jackson can experience the acceptance he sought in life. After winning, he leaves Ike?s body and the celebrities in purgatory take off, only to be flown to hell.

Butters, the only boy in his class to have never kissed a girl, purchases his first kiss from a girl named Sally, who gives kisses for $5. Butters starts to advertise Sally?s services to other unpopular boys at the school, keeping a 40 percent cut. Soon, more girls join his service and he begins to resemble a stereotypical pimp. As his reputation grows and actual adult prostitutes begin working for him, he looks into offering benefits by consulting an ACORN office. Meanwhile, Sergeant Yates goes undercover as a female prostitute, "Yolanda", to combat the apparent rise in prostitution, but gets carried away with his duties and engages in sexual acts with his male patrons. Yates?s pimp marries "Yolanda", and Butters quits the business.

After seeing a live WWE Raw event, the boys at South Park Elementary join the school?s wrestling team, but quit when they realize it is very different from professional wrestling. The boys form W.T.F. (Wrestling Takedown Federation), their own backyard wrestling federation. Their performances, which contain more dramatic storylines and monologues than they do actual wrestling and stunt work, attract a large audience of rednecks who believe the action is real. Mr. Connors, the school?s wrestling teacher, is fired by the school board, prompting him to try sabotaging one of the W.T.F. events to restore the integrity of the sport. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon attends a W.T.F. match to scout for talent and, seeking to impress him, the boys modify their performances to the extent that they have more in common with musical theater than wrestling. Mr. Connors tries and fails to destroy the ring, but his impassioned monologue about how professional wrestling has ruined real wrestling makes the crowd sympathize with him, prompting McMahon to offer him a contract with WWE.

After a family visit to the public aquarium during which Japanese people slaughter all the dolphins, Stan takes on the cause of saving the dolphins and whales from Japanese whalers. He joins Paul Watson and his crew on the television show Whale Wars but find them to be ineffective publicity seekers. After Watson is killed by whalers, Stan becomes the new captain of the ship and leads a much more successful campaign against Japanese whaling by employing more aggressive methods. After Japanese pilots launch kamikaze attacks on his ship, Stan and his crew are captured and brought to Japan. They learn the whaling efforts are a retaliation for the bombing of Hiroshima, as they believe that the Enola Gay bomber was piloted by a dolphin and a killer whale. The boys convince the Japanese officials that the pilots were actually a cow and a chicken, prompting the Japanese to cease their whaling efforts and begin a vendetta against cows and chickens, slaughtering them instead.

Cartman confronts a group of obnoxious Harley-Davidson motorcyclists who are disrupting everyone in South Park, describing them as insecure losers who ride loud motorcycles to draw attention to themselves and referring to them as "faggots". Other children begin to use the slur, and the bikers leave town after the children write "Fags get out" on South Park?s buildings. This alarms Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave, forcing the boys to explain that the word "fag" is not intended as an insult to homosexuals. Instead, the boys say the word is more commonly used nowadays in reference to a contemptible person who rides a Harley motorcycle, or "an inconsiderate douchebag". Using this argument, the boys convince the town council to change the word?s definition. After a national outcry, the town invites the English Dictionary Officiates, led by Emmanuel Lewis, to review the proposal and convinces them to make the definition change official.

Cartman is chosen to read the South Park Elementary morning announcements, which he uses as a platform to make critical statements about the school, especially class president Wendy. Soon projecting his announcements onto television screens in the classrooms, Cartman accuses Wendy of wanting to kill the Smurfs. He also sells copies of his new book, which includes sexually explicit rumors about Wendy. As Wendy refuses to acknowledge the attacks, Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey confront Cartman, who accuses them of violating his freedom of speech and turning the school into a "socialist whoreland". Cartman further reports that Wendy bulldozed Smurfland and slaughtered the Smurfs to get their valuable Smurfberries. After an uproar from the students, Wendy appears on Cartman?s show and surprises him by admitting to the accusations. Conceding her presidential post to Cartman, she announces that she has written her own book about the Smurfs and has sold the movie rights to director James Cameron for his new film Avatar. As president, Cartman cannot make the announcements anymore and learns that he has attained a meaningless position with no real power.

The boys go on a trip to the water park, where Cartman is distraught to discover that many people from minority groups are in attendance. Cartman calculates there will be no white people left by the year 2012, which he believes is in accordance with the Mayans? prediction of the end of the world. Meanwhile, Kyle is disgusted to learn that most people freely urinate in the pools. The park owner refuses to close and evacuate the park after tests show that its water is 98 percent urine. Consequently overcome by urine tsunamis, the park is quarantined. Rescue operations are delayed until an antidote is found for the "pee contamination" that is believed to have turned the survivors inside into mutants. Cartman finds himself in an inflatable raft where he is the only white person, prompting him to think that the 2012 scenario occurred three years early, and that he is the last of his kind. Kyle, who refused to get into the pee-infested water all day, has to drink urine before he can reach an emergency release valve. However, much to his annoyance, they are rescued immediately afterward.